The truth is I am afraid. Even though I love it, I'm scared of it. I'm scared of writing.
Let me be clear about one thing. Although I am a novelist (no one can take that from me now haha), I am a debut novelist, so I am not an expert in this industry... nor I am pretending to be one. I'm not even published yet. Please take everything I have to say next with a grain of salt.
I've always written. Whether it was in one of my countless journals, on various blogs, or hunched over my desk cranking out yet another short story. It has always been my passion. But my dream was always to write a book. Here I am on the other side of that dream and the only thing that has really changed is that now I want to write more books. ;)
Ever since I started planning Rise of the Renegades though, people have come out of the wood work to ask me how I was doing it and how I got started. Several people even admitted that they too dream of writing a book one day, but they don't know when they'll have the time.
Here's what I have to say to that: WRITE. You never know who your story is for or who it will touch. Yes, finding the motivation to write is a hurdle and getting over the fear of failure is another hurdle, but you have to take the first step at some point.
Writer's write. There is no difference between me and you. Literally the only thing stopping you from writing what could end up being the next bestseller is you.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
If I remained stuck in my fear of failing, I would never have sat down and written Rise of the Renegades. I actually remember google searching "how to find the time to write" and "how to get over my fear of writing a novel." For real. I had no qualms with blogs or journaling or even short stories, but I was terrified of the novel... like it was going to jump off my Word document and kill me. Or that someone was going to tell me that it sucked.
And you know what? That's a very real fear. I still feel like a fraud. I'm still afraid of what someone will say after they've reviewed my manuscript and are calling to give me feedback. My feet literally sweat. I've just learned to compartmentalize that fear and store it away in its appropriate mental filing box. I may have used lack of time as an excuse for awhile, but what hindered me from writing my first novel for so long came down to nothing more than worrying that it would suck and that people would think I am a fraud.
Here's what I did. I made fear my best friend. Literally. I decided that I had no choice but to play out the worst-case scenarios. I looked my fears in the face and said, "What is the worst thing that can really happen here?"
This is what I came up with:
1. My book just plain sucks. Everyone who reads it, hates it.
2. Every single publisher and literary agent reject my book (thereby, rejecting me).
3. I make a mockery of myself. My friends and family think the book is such a failure that they cut me off and don't want to have anything to do with me any more.
4. My husband is so embarrassed by my writing that he leaves me.
5. Word of my failed book gets back to my peers. I lose credibility and maybe even a potential source of income.
Seriously. I'm being brutally honest. Those were and are my biggest fears. I wrote them down. I stared at them and stared at them until I was blue in the face. Then, I prayed about them and released them to the Lord to carry. After that, I realized that I still wanted to write a book. Yes, they are very real fears. I'm not down-playing them. It would truly suck if any of my worst-case scenarios came to pass, but because I really looked at them, they have lost their power. They can't hinder me from writing anymore because I recognize them for what they are: a lie and a figment of my imagination. They aren't based on fact.
Catch my drift?
So, as is my way of doing things, I took it upon myself to research. Knowledge is power (at least when it comes to attempting to conquer my fears). Rise of the Renegades finally started taking shape when, after researching, I noticed a common theme between published authors: they just wrote. They didn't let their fear of failure stop them. They kept writing in spite of fear.
That's all there is to it. Now, go write your book and change the world. :)
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